Train Bound for Nowhere

“You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.”

Just a little me reminding Kenny Rogers to remind me what I gotta do.

Target

I just bought sexy for sixteen ninety-nine.

Once Upon a Weekend

Santa brought Andrea and I mother/daughter pajamas…

And mother/daughter bracelets…

And lots of mother/daughter time.

The snow and ice prevented us from our separate planned activities so we stayed in and did lots of lounging around together.  Worked out perfectly!

Andrea had checked out a bunch of library books from the Once Upon a Time series and along with napping, baking, and watching Christmas movies, we’ve been devouring them.  I’ve read these two…

…and am now on the one inspired by One Thousand and One Nights.  These books are for young adults, but I LOVE THEM! omg!

One of the best weekends ever.

Just Drive

Picture stolen off Andrea’s facebook:

If everything about this doesn’t scream college freshman girls, well then you weren’t me as a college freshman girl.

Where I’m At. (It’s not so bad. In fact, it’s good).

I was on the phone with R and wanted to give him some treats I’d just baked to share with his Sunday night game friends but he said it was cancelled this Sunday.  I yelled, “You’ve ruined Christmas!”  We laughed and then he said, “And I ruined your life?” which was a sarcastic jab at his (first) ex-wife who told him that on more than one occasion.

He knew I was only being playful when I cried that he’d ruined Christmas.  And I’m pretty sure he was only joking when he replied that he’d ruined my life.  But I thought about it alot and realized if he thought that even one tiny little bit, he would be dead wrong.  The reason I said “Don’t say that,” wasn’t because I didn’t think he should say it.  It’s because it isn’t true.

My life isn’t ruined.

Our 10-year marriage may be over, but that is just as much my fault as it is his.  We each had our own ways of being absent from that marriage.  And I’m the one that gave the orders to pull the plug!  (Geez, he’d still be visiting that brain-dead thing). I take a full 50% of the fault.  No more, but certainly no less.

But okay, so, I’ll try this new thing of having contact with him (after a period of no contact) and I’ll see how it goes.  But the whole point is to say that my life isn’t ruined.  I have plans to LOVE my life.  And the crazy, bizarro thing is:  I can see glimpses of that.  I can actually see moments of “Ah, I love my life.”

I still get lonely and regretful, but (honestly?) I wouldn’t want a life completely free of sadness.  I’m too poetic for that.

The exciting thing is, I wouldn’t want a life free of joy, either, and I just may be able to pull this life thing off.  One that is meant for me.  One that is not ruined.  One that I love.

Bullseye

Every time I look at the Southwest Airlines map of flights from Kansas City I can’t help but think:  “I really AM the center of the universe.”

Note to Self

Except, he’s wearing a wedding ring.

(and also)

Accept.  He’s wearing a wedding ring.

In the Cards

Lookie off my balcony!

Bubbly

Andrea wants to be a marine biologist.  Biology is her major.  Seahorses are her favorite animal.  (Along with “lambs” – weird kid).  Anyway I took her and Ryan up to the zoo in Omaha, Nebraska which has an aquarium and these are my favorite pictures from that trip.

Look how that medium sized fish is rushing up on Andrea for a hug:

“Come to Mama!”:

Damn cool watching the jellyfish.

Place was magical.

Of course, monkeys will always be my favorite.  But not sea monkeys – blah.  I’m still irritated 30 years later by how big of a disappointment those turned out to be.